Bible Bell's Clean Humor & Peaceful
January 2002 Part 2
|A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered
a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police
referred the preacher to the health department.
The health department said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department.
The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to
notify the next of kin first!"
|It's tough being a teenager. Half the adults are telling you to find yourself and the other half are telling you to get lost.|
|Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you think
that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?"
"I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson.
"And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson. "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper costume for a mother of two."
"I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Peterson.
"Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson. "A fine lot of good it does for you to go to church."
|Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl said,
"I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only a kiss a yard," replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With anticipation written all over his face, the clerk measured and wrapped the cloth. Then he puckered his lips and said, "That'll be 10 kisses, miss."
The girl picked up the package and pointed to a grizzled old man standing behind her.
"Grandpa will pay the bill," she said with a smile.
Real Advertisements that will Crack You up
January 2002 Part 1
Sign in a Laundromat:
|The following is reportedly a true story...
A Christian middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.
To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched.
The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror.
From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.
Isn't it wonderful how cooperative young people can be, once they become Christians?
I have learned that...
|Rabbi Ezra, his wife, and their children, were really curious as to why
Gentiles were so fond of eating pork. They decided to try some, but there was nowhere in town they could go and
not be seen.
One weekend, the Rabbi and his family traveled to a distant town, went into a restaurant, and ordered roast pork.
While they were waiting to be served, a member of Rabbi Ezra's Synagogue walks in. He sees the Rabbi and his family. The member asks if he could join them for dinner. The Rabbi has no choice but to agree.
A while later, the waiter returns with the Rabbi's meal. He takes the cover off the large platter, and there is a whole roast pig, with an apple in its mouth. The Synagogue member is more than a little shocked.
"What a fancy place," explains the Rabbi quickly. "Just look at how they serve the apple I ordered."
I have learned that...
|A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," the teacher asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches you how to treat your brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
You know you are getting older when...
(If you want to stop longing for the days of your youth, think of Algebra.)
Silly Poems from Your Childhood
The panther is like a leopard,
Who wants my jellyfish?
The Lord in His wisdom made the fly
There was a young lady of Niger
Algy met a bear,
There was a young lady named Bright,
She frowned and called him Mr.
As I was going up the stair
Into the family drinking well
"Mother, may I go out to swim?"
I eat my peas with honey.