Bible Bell's Clean Yuma
Two Quickies from Mark C 3/31/00
Question: "Who is most unhappy in the Parable of the Prodigal
As the brothers were pushing and shoving to be first, their mom said,
Jimmy looked at Bobby and said, "Bobby, you be Jesus."
Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the East came to Jerusalem (Mt 2.1)
If there had been three wise women...
|A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar
bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they
struck up a conversation.
The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the county. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."
"Wow!" said the one dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"
"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ...."
The twenty dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
|Mark took his elderly maiden-Aunt Lucy for a drive, and pointed out a
fig tree as one of the sights.
"Fig tree?" exclaimed Aunt Lucy. "That cannot be a fig tree for goodness sakes!"
"Of course it is," Mark insisted. "What makes you think it's not?"
Blushing so red she nearly glowed, Aunt Lucy said, "Well... I just thought... surely the leaves must be bigger than that!"
|An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam
and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Englishman. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out. "They have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
"New International Bible for Cats"
Quoted from Genesis Chapter 1
On the first day of creation, God created the cat.
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as food for the cat.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat.
On the fifth day, God created expensive furniture so that the cat would have objects whereon to sharpen its claws.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox.
New & Improved Breeds of Dog
Created by cross-breeding some old favorites
Cross a Collie with a Lhasa Apso and you get...
Cross a Spitz with a Chow-chow and you get ...
Cross a Pointer with a Setter and you get...
Cross an Irish Setter with a English Springer Spaniel and you get....
Cross a Labrador Retriever with a Curly-coated Retriever and you get...
Cross a Terrier with a Bulldog and you get...
Cross a Bloodhound with a Labrador and you get...
Cross a Malamute with a Pointer and you get...
Cross a Deerhound with a Terrier and you get...
Cross a Dachshund with a Yorkie and you get...