Grandma Lily's Wit & Wisdom
|February 20, 2003|
|The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.||The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.|
|If I keep hitting "Esc" why am I still here?||A printer has three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray, and a blinking red light.|
|He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18.22||Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. Proverbs 19.14|
|It's easy to mistake temptation for opportunity.||Too many people know their rights without understanding their responsibilities.|
|Some *luck* lies in NOT getting what you thought you wanted, but getting
what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see it is what you would have wanted had you
Father in heaven, I pray: Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread...
|A square is always a rectangle. A rectangle may or may not be a square.||There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.|
|As a ring of gold in a pig's nose, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion. Proverbs 11.22||Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31.30|
|Always remember that you are unique... just like everyone else.||In the 60's people took LSD to make the world seem weird. Now the world IS weird, & people take Prozac to make it seem normal.|
|To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising yourself.||[Jesus said...] Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Matthew 7.3|
|The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty. Abe Lincoln||It is better to keep the wolf out of the fold than to trust to drawing
his teeth and claws after he shall have entered.
|The problem with eating Italian food is that 5 or 6 days later you're
|For 30 years mother served the family nothing but leftovers. The original
meal has never been found.
|Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get 8 cats to pull a sled through the snow. Jeff Valdez||If a cat spoke, it would say things like, "Hey, I don't see the problem here."|
|What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner. Colette||Most of us believe in trying to make other people happy only if they can be happy in ways which we approve. Robert S. Loyd|
|If we had some ham, we'd have ham and beans, if we had some beans.||Better is a plate of boiled cabbage where love is, than roast prime rib with hatred. Granny's paraphrase of Proverbs 15.17|
|I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943||There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977|
|Liberal theology - the profession of explaining to others what you personally do not understand.||Secular humanism -- the art of correcting your faults by confessing your parent's shortcomings.|
|When I am right, I don't brag.
When I am wrong, I admit it.
When in doubt, I ask a question.
[and they wonder why I don't talk]
|Modesty is the art of encouraging people to find out for themselves how wonderful you are.|
|Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way. David Frost|
|Folk-singer -- someone who sings through her nose by ear.||Never take a reference from a clergyman. They always want to give
someone a second chance.
|Schizophrenia beats dining alone.||Even paranoids have real enemies.|
|I feel that one lies to oneself more than to anyone else. Lord Byron||It's easier when you tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.|
|Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you. Elbert Hubbard, "The Notebook"||A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for the time of trouble. Prov 17.17|
|I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. Thomas Edison||There are no rules around here! We're trying to accomplish something. Thomas Edison|
|No man ever listened himself out of a job.
|A fool's mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul. Prov 18.7|
|Do it or Don't do it -- there is no *Try*||If I aim to fail and succeed, which did I do?|
|Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.||--- To Err is Human ... And Don't You Forget It!!---|
|Integrity is: Doing the right thing...even when no one is looking.||The eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. Prov 15.3|
|Concerning the cost of good computer security...
"If you think safety is expensive, try an accident!"
|HTML is great. On the web. Not on usenet. Not in my inbox.|
|Making back-up copies and computer printouts of things nobody wanted
even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
|Why is it if something is transported by ship it's called cargo, but if it's transported by car it's called a shipment?|
|In Buffalo, suicide is redundant.
from "A Chorus Line"
|New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the
time, most of it unsolved.
|The problem with being a *good sport* is you have to lose to prove it.||If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. Lee Trevino|
|Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what's for lunch. Orson Welles on reaching 300 pounds||Come in, or we'll both starve.
Sign in a restaurant window
|I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because
I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
|Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, ...commanding to abstain from foods which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. 1 Tim 4.1, 4.3b|
|You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.||Tie two birds together; although they have four wings, they cannot fly.|
|If Abraham's son had been a teenager, it wouldn't have been a sacrifice. Scott Spendlove||When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
|All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. Red Skelton||Always look out for Number One and be careful not to step in Number Two. Rodney Dangerfield|
|Man was predestined to have free will.||Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves if the TV is broken.|
|As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of demand. Josh Billings||Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, But those who deal truthfully are His delight. Prov 12.22|
|A conservative doesn't want anything to happen for the first time; a liberal feels it should happen, but not now. Mort Sahl||Never mistake endurance for hospitality.|
|Living together is not really living, and not truly together.||Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Gen 2.24|
|It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Murphy's Law, Book Two
|If you don't want to hear the answer, do not ask the question. Bill Tisdale|
|I am firm. You are obstinate. He is a pig-headed fool.
|Concerning the driver who goes slower than you:
"What's wrong with that idiot?"
Concerning the driver who goes faster than you:
"The cops should arrest that maniac!!!"
|Dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you. Missy Dizick||Avarice is the sphincter of the heart.
|The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Charles de Gaulle
|What man can live and not see death? Can he deliver his life from
the power of the grave? Selah
|Go to Granny Page 1||Go to Granny Page 7|